1) FOMO (Fear of missing out). Because according to your Facebook, Twitter and Instagram feeds, everyone is doing something awesome right now (even if they aren’t).
2) Sundays. Because the next day is Monday. And five days of deadlines, meetings and the feeling like you need to stop and reevaluate your life make you nauseous. You might have an ulcer. Heartburn at the very least. #SundayFunday
3) Your desk job. Because now your pants are tighter and your cortisol levels are higher. You’re also at risk for blood clots. Cool.
4) Your rent. Because it makes your bank account look so…empty.
5) The holidays. Because you have to spend money that you didn’t budget for in the 11 months prior. You also realize how much more fun Christmas was when you were five. Hey Santa, remember me? I miss you.
6) Birthdays. Because it’s scary getting old.
7) The gym. Because you don’t go and you should.
8) Magazine covers. Because whether or not Jennifer Lawrence is airbrushed, she’s perfect and you’re jealous.
9) Dating. Because Grouper doesn’t really count.
10) Dating. Because people in the Real World do not come with background checks…which can be terrifying for multiple reasons.
11) Getting dressed in the morning. Because thanks to #3, your pants are tighter. And despite multiple reports that leggings should not be worn as pants, you’re running late and leggings have never seemed like a more perfect option right now. Thank. God. For. Spandex.
11) Hangovers. Because you were warned that you would not always be able to drink like a fish and be fresh as a daisy all within 12 hours. And right now you’re paying for it with a headache that rivals a 10.0 on the on Richter scale. And the very likely possibility that you might vom in your cube. Cheers.
12) Sleep. Because you never get enough even though you sleep 5x more than you did in college. And you’re 10x more tired than you were in college.
13) Laundry. Because Mom lives so far away…and going back home to visit with three duffel bags filled with dirty clothes just doesn’t seem acceptable anymore. Probably because it isn’t.
14) Grocery shopping. Because let’s be serious…you don’t cook, and therefore don’t know what to buy. All you know is that cheese is always a safe and versatile option. As is wine. But don’t buy too much or else your grocery bag will rip on the way home and you’ll look like a helpless spaz as all of your food (and wine!) spews across the sidewalk. I may or may not be speaking from experience here. Keep it light people.
15) Your hair. Because haircuts are a chore. And the inevitable need to color those impending grays or ashy brown roots is down right expensive. So you settle for split ends and convince yourself that DIY ombre is cool. Tres chic.
16) Bars. Because the older you get, the more unsure you are of where you belong. Is this an underage establishment? A post grad hangout filled with depressed 23 year-olds pretending like they’re still in college? Or worse…a post grad hangout filled with depressed 28 year-olds pretending like they’re still in college? You just want to drink somewhere other than your couch, damn it!
19) Friends. Because you don’t all live in the same hometown or the same .5 mile radius on campus anymore. True friendship takes effort.
20) Family. Because there are days when you just need a hug from your mom or dad. There are nights when you want to cry and wish your parents would comfort you, tell you you’re okay. There are mornings when your alarm doesn’t go off (aka you didn’t set it or you snoozed too many times) and you know Mom would have pulled you out of bed on time. And then there’s this strange internal conflict you feel because you’re unsure if you should miss your family this much. You’re in your twenties and supposed to be independent and strong. But you’re also human.
You know what makes it all better? The realization that you’ve got a whole generation of twenty-somethings feeling your feelings. You’re not alone.